Archive for the ‘rants’ Category

Celebrity masterchef

Monday, July 28th, 2008

If you have enjoyed this Celebrity Masterchef series with John the Toad and Greg Whale-ass as much as I have, you will have waited with baited breath for the final. The three final contestants were really put through their paces this time, having had to cope with increasingly stressful situations with little experience. I was really impressed with Liz Mclarnon from the start and really warmed to her down to earth personality and genuine passion. I was so pleased when she won and thought it was richly deserved, although all three of them did exceptionally well. I often wonder if I could do well at something like Masterchef but I think I would crumble at the prospect of my souffle not rising and I have a problem with authoritarian chefs. I’ll just have to stick to the day job then!

Marco Pierre White, Great British Fat head

Thursday, July 17th, 2008

I have seen a couple of episodes now of Marco Pierre White’s Great British feast and have watched with amazement as this ostentatious, shaved ape in tweed throws his greater that average weight around whilst smoking endless cigarettes and shooting fluffy cute things for laughs. If I didn’t know he was a chef, I would never have guessed. His rough alcoholic nobility meets neanderthal man look belies his three michelin star talents, but enough of his unsavoury looks, at least he has a winning personality! 

The premiss of the show is to test different recipes on the general public in his Berkshire restaurant to come up with the ultimate great British feast. The public eat a selection of dishes for each course and record their thoughts on a form. At the end of the meal Marco’s long suffering Maitre d’ goes through the various comments as Marco scoffs and sneers that the public don’t know what they are talking about and then promptly strops off in a childish huff in his ridiculously extravagant chauffeur driven Range Rover. He also annoys me because I have to spend time coming up with a polite insult to describe him when there are so many swear words that would do just that. 

His chauffeur, Mr Ishii, is a quiet Japanese gentleman who has to put up with his purple fits of rage on a fairly frequent basis but as Marco and his faithful servant stood together on the river bank whilst Marco dangled his rod gently into the water their relationship reminded me of scenes of Ted and Ralph from the fast show! He not only seems to make the men around him uncomfortable but his greasy ‘awwwright me bootifuw daaarlin’ approach to anything female makes me and most certainly them want to rush to the nearest facility with running water and scrub with wire wool and extra strong bleach. More importantly his unwashed slimy appearance would most certainly put me off his food. I would no more eat his food than I would plate of slugs.  

Even though he irritates me greatly, it does really make me laugh when he tries to interact with the lower classes. He made a trip to the local supermarket to see what the little people get up to. I’m not sure what he expected to find. I had visions of him asking the staff to direct him to the isle with the Gulls eggs, which incidentally was one of the courses. He seemed about as comfortable as you would expect the Queen and Prince Philip to be, strolling up and down the isles.

               “BOGOF! Pheelippe!, no not those ones the Bird’s Eye Fish Fingers, they’re two for one!”

He was also picking leaves off potted herbs and eating them and then putting his mucky paws all over everything on the fish counter. 

Next week is the final showdown, the ‘world of puddings’ as he so eloquently puts it, so I will greatly look forward to that. 

Stuffyerbake on twitter and friendfeed

Monday, July 7th, 2008

This internet lark all gets a bit much for me at times, especially when the computer nerd other half tries to drag me like a stubborn mule into the 21st century. This months pearls of computer wisdom are joining two more groups (I have no idea what the terminology is but I’m imagining the words interface, social and network are involved) both of which require a username and password so my brain cells are screaming already. Dear God I’m starting to sound like an elderly disgruntled relative!! Anyway they are at Twitter and Friendfeed and seem to have the ability to chart my every waking moment, and sleeping probably if you care to read it. It’s all in the name of getting bums on seats, so I’m told and hopefully I’ll get the hang of it this side of Christmas. Enjoy ;-)


Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

I imagine lots of people will have an opinion on the new Delia smith series and fan or not, it certainly has raised an interesting debate on cookery. I can understand some people’s point of view that it isn’t using fresh ingredients, so you don’t know what you are eating and it won’t necessarily be free range or as good for you as cooking from scratch. I actually think that if it gets people cooking that were previously culinary phobic, then it’s o.k in my book and the audience she is aiming at probably won’t be so worried about the quality of the ingredients.

I have found the program interesting but watching her open tins and scooping out what looked like cat food into a bowl didn’t leave me salivating. The very thought of tinned meat brings meat out in a cold sweat but the thought of putting on an apron and sharpening a knife doesn’t, so I guess it isn’t me she is trying to convert.

The premise of the series isn’t what bothers me. Having missed the first half of this week’s program, I switched on the TV only to stumble upon what I thought was Songs of Praise. She spent at least 10 minutes of the program talking about her faith, interspersed with shots of her attending mass and swanning about with Sister Wendy Beckett. If Delia finds solace in bothering the man upstairs, then good for her but she is supposed to be doing a cookery program. Last week it was about her passion for football. Who exactly is she trying to appeal to? Does she think that if she does something to grab the attention of the religious and football fanatics as well as cookery novices, she is covering all bases and appealing to a wider audience. Surely the way to make successful television is picking your audience and trying to aim at their interests.

Not everybody was a fan of the old style Delia, she was a bit reserved and stiff and never ever tasted her food, but I quite liked her. You knew where you were with her and you didn’t expect to sit through three verses of ‘All Things Bright and Beautiful’ or a shot of the Norwich city lads in the showers, although that’s probably another program entirely. Bring back the old Delia, before we have to endure her banging on about her collection of limited edition Royal Doulton.

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