Stuff yer bake

I have seen a couple of episodes now of Marco Pierre White’s Great British feast and have watched with amazement as this ostentatious, shaved ape in tweed throws his greater that average weight around whilst smoking endless cigarettes and shooting fluffy cute things for laughs. If I didn’t know he was a chef, I would never have guessed. His rough alcoholic nobility meets neanderthal man look belies his three michelin star talents, but enough of his unsavoury looks, at least he has a winning personality! 

The premiss of the show is to test different recipes on the general public in his Berkshire restaurant to come up with the ultimate great British feast. The public eat a selection of dishes for each course and record their thoughts on a form. At the end of the meal Marco’s long suffering Maitre d’ goes through the various comments as Marco scoffs and sneers that the public don’t know what they are talking about and then promptly strops off in a childish huff in his ridiculously extravagant chauffeur driven Range Rover. He also annoys me because I have to spend time coming up with a polite insult to describe him when there are so many swear words that would do just that. 

His chauffeur, Mr Ishii, is a quiet Japanese gentleman who has to put up with his purple fits of rage on a fairly frequent basis but as Marco and his faithful servant stood together on the river bank whilst Marco dangled his rod gently into the water their relationship reminded me of scenes of Ted and Ralph from the fast show! He not only seems to make the men around him uncomfortable but his greasy ‘awwwright me bootifuw daaarlin’ approach to anything female makes me and most certainly them want to rush to the nearest facility with running water and scrub with wire wool and extra strong bleach. More importantly his unwashed slimy appearance would most certainly put me off his food. I would no more eat his food than I would plate of slugs.  

Even though he irritates me greatly, it does really make me laugh when he tries to interact with the lower classes. He made a trip to the local supermarket to see what the little people get up to. I’m not sure what he expected to find. I had visions of him asking the staff to direct him to the isle with the Gulls eggs, which incidentally was one of the courses. He seemed about as comfortable as you would expect the Queen and Prince Philip to be, strolling up and down the isles.

               “BOGOF! Pheelippe!, no not those ones the Bird’s Eye Fish Fingers, they’re two for one!”

He was also picking leaves off potted herbs and eating them and then putting his mucky paws all over everything on the fish counter. 

Next week is the final showdown, the ‘world of puddings’ as he so eloquently puts it, so I will greatly look forward to that. 

Having seen a lot of failed attempts at Chocolate fondant puddings on Celebrity Masterchef this week, I thought I would like to give one a try. I have had shop bought ones before and relished their divine rich taste. To me they are the ultimate of decadent puddings, and the worst things for you always taste the best.

The recipe I followed from the BBC Food page seemed simple enough but I fell at the final hurdle of timings and ended up with a runny, albeit delcious, mess served with orange and vanilla ice cream. I remained undeterred, though, had another go the following night and left them in for a few minutes longer, which was much more successful but still not quite done enough. They still tasted absolutely divine, but I will keep trying until I get the perfect consistency. It’s a hard job, but somebody’s gotta do it!

I have made three dishes in all with my scallops now and have one more to go. I made a fish pie last night with some of them which was really tasty but the meal I did tonight was so simple and absolutely delicious I had to share it with you first. I think this one might be a contender for entering the competition in the Isle of Man Queenie festival. This scallop dish was lovingly created thanks to the generous donation from Island seafare Ltd.

Serves 2

Ingredients

For the skewers:

24 fresh queenie scallops

zest of one lime

olive oil

tsp of paprika

tsp cayenne pepper

salt and freshly ground black pepper

For the Guacamole:

1 ripe avocado, cut into bite size chunks

1 red chilli, deseeded and finely chopped

3 or 4 small vine ripened tomatoes, deseeded and cut into bite size chunks

zest and juice of 1 lime

a spring onion halved and cut into small chunks

salt and freshly ground black pepper

a small handful of fresh flat leaf parsley chopped

a drizzle of olive oil

For the flatbreads: 

255g self raising flour

1 tsbp of greek yoghurt

1 tbsp olive oil

salt and freshly ground black pepper

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp ground cinnamon

water

Begin by making the flatbreads. Put the flour, spices and seasoning into a bowl and make a well in the center. Add the yoghurt, olive oil and a tbsp of water and begin to bring together. Keep adding water a little at a time until the dough comes together. Knead the dough for about five minutes on a floured surface until it becomes soft and elastic. Leave to one side. 

In a bowl add the scallops, lime zest and juice, paprika, cayenne pepper, a drizzle of olive oil and seasoning and mix to combine. Leave to marinade. 

To make the guacamole simply combine all the ingredients in a bowl.

Light your BBQ and when the coals are glowing white and there is no flame left they are ready to use. Thread the scallops on to skewers.

Divide the dough into three and roll each bit out very thinly on a floured surface. Set each flatbread on the BBQ and allow to bubble up and brown lightly on each side, this should take about two or three minutes.

Set to one side and then place the scallops on the BBQ. Cook until nicely coloured all over and cooked through, then remove.

Immediately serve on the flatbreads with a spoonful of the guacamole and a little lightly dressed salad. And to drink, a chilled Pimms and lemonade. Lovely.

This is another cake that I made for someone in work. It was for their Grandmother’s 90th birthday and she apparently was very keen on knitting, sewing and cross stitch so I decided on a sewing box cake. The name is done in brush embroidery, which is a really nice effect where you pipe the required design and then take a very slightly damp paintbrush and drag the icing in. I am definitely getting better at the icing and having less mishaps which is good really as I’m doing my Cousin’s wedding cake in October!

I bought this months BBC Good Food magazine and was very excited when I came across a recipe for cherry vodka. The other half and I are partial to the odd gin, but haven’t really drunk much vodka for years. I knew I had a bottle in the cupboard that had been untouched for some time, so I thought a revamp of it’s flavourless, colourless contents would be a tremendous idea and in a few weeks time we would be able to able savour it’s luscious sweet flavours in a cocktail or two sat in the sun (hopefully). 

I took 400g of ripe red cherries, slit them, but not completely through and then added them to a saucepan of 200g caster sugar and 150ml of water. The cherries were then heated gently to dissolve the sugar and release the juices, then popped into a large jar and 700ml vodka added. I then sealed the jar, gave it a shake and will now wait patiently for four weeks until it is ready.

One bag of frozen squid is a little much for one person, so as I was on my own this weekend (the other half was living the high life in London for the weekend) I decided to do two different squid dishes, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday night. I had seen a Nigel Slater recipe for squid on TV a few days ago which got me salivating and I thought I’d give it a try. I did my usual trick of just going from memory and not bothering to look up the recipe so I ended up doing it quite differently.

I made up a similar marinade by pounding up zest of one lemon, 2 tsp lemon juice, 1 tbsp thyme leaves, half a small garlic clove, 2 tbsp olive oil, tsp salt and lots of freshly ground pepper in a pestle and mortar. I then cut open about 6 baby squid and scored it as the recipe suggested, dried it thoroughly and fried in olive oil in a very hot pan. It cooked for only a few minutes until slightly golden and then the hot squid was tossed in the marinade. I then put the squid into a bowl with some salad leaves and tomato and tossed them together to coat the leaves and heaped in onto a plate. The other recipe looks good too… maybe I should try it sometime. 

I still had most of a jar of preserved lemons left after buying them for the cous cous dish I did a while ago and since my other half would happily have pie every day of the week and has been bugging me to do this recipe ever since I got the book, I decided to give it a go.

The book is called Sophie Conran’s Pies and is full of lovely pie recipes to get you salivating.

The recipe serves 4

Ingredients:

Couple of glugs of olive oil

knob of butter

4 leeks halved length ways and sliced thinly

1 tsp ground cumin

4 small preserved lemons, rinsed and roughly chopped

1kg chicken thighs, boned, skin removed and cut into about 1 1/2 inch cubes

2 tbsp plain flour

250ml chicken stock, as good quality as possible

200g green olives, ( I quite like black olives too, but are a bit stronger in taste) stoned and roughly chopped

3 tbsp flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped

300g puff pastry (you can make this yourself if you are feeling adventurous, but I never have)

1 free range beaten egg

salt and freshly ground black pepper

Heat a large casserole on a medium heat and add a glug of olive oil and a knob of butter. Fry the leeks for about five minutes until soft but not coloured. Add the cumin and fry for another minute to release it’s aromatic flavour. Stir in the chopped lemons and leave to one side.

Then heat a frying pan over a medium to high heat and add olive oil. Brown the chicken off in batches, trying not to over crowd the pan. Add the chicken and all the cooking juices to the casserole with the leeks in it and sprinkle over the flour.

Stir in the flour and cook for a few minutes before gradually adding the stock. Simmer gently for about seven minutes and when the sauce has thickened nicely add the olives and parsley. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Pre heat the oven to 200 deg centigrade. Once cool,spoon the chicken mixture into a suitable pie dish. Roll out a the pastry so it is large enough to cover the pie dish, brush the rim of the pie dish with beaten egg and place the pastry on top. Press down around the edges with a fork or your thumb and then trim off the excess. Make a pretty pattern with the excess if you like (I made a disabled chicken, do you like it?.. I forgot to brush him with egg though so he didn’t show up too well). Brush all over with the beaten egg and then make a cut in the middle so that steam can escape and help the pastry to crisp up nicely. Place in the oven for about 25 minutes until golden.

You can serve it with whatever you like. We had it with basmati rice, as the author suggested, but it would also be nice with mashed spiced sweet potato.

These are another two cakes that I have made over the last couple of weeks for people at work. Both of them took quite a few hours of work but I’m quite pleased with how they have turned out. I generally make a madeira cake, which is tasty but also quite robust and withstands carving into various shapes. I froze the lorry cake as it makes carving in to shapes much easier so hopefully it will still taste nice. I am dropping the lorry cake off tomorrow and await the verdict.

I wanted to make a cake for my friend who was going off on maternity leave last week so I thought I would try and make a baby out of sugar paste and put various baby paraphernalia around it to jazz it up a bit. When I made the baby I somehow managed to make it look like it had mild learning difficulties and having run out of time, couldn’t really remedy the situation. I tried to think of various things to put with the baby and considering it’s unfortunate appearance a pair of calipers and a wheelchair seemed most appropriate. I thought that the baby looked a little naughty as well as slightly retarded so making a big mess on the top of the cake was probably best and also didn’t require too much technical skill or worry of messing it up. I was actually reasonably happy with the result and everyone really liked it. Another happy customer, just two more to cater for in the next week.

P.S. I apologise for the rubbish picture, I was rushing before I took it to work.

I sometimes struggle to think of something quick, cheap and yet satisfying for an evening meal during the week. This recipe, although I use ‘recipe’ in the broadest sense of the word since it’s more of an assembly with little effort, definitely fits the bill.

I had a block of puff pastry in the freezer so I dug it out of the deep freeze, let it defrost and rolled it into a centimeter thick rectangle. I then gently carved an indent about an inch in from the edge and gave the pastry a brush over with a beaten egg. I layered a couple of handfuls of spinach over the base then topped with sliced red onions, pitted black olives and crumbled feta, then seasoned with salt and freshly ground black pepper and a drizzle of olive oil. The pastry was cooked in a 200 degree centigrade oven for about fifteen to twenty minutes, or when puffed up and golden brown. Cut into generous slices and serve with a lightly dressed green salad.

This is so versatile as you can put pretty much anything onto the puff pastry, like butternut squash, morels, toasted walnuts and goats cheese or tomatoes, basil, mozarella and pine nuts. Get creative and enjoy.